Submitted.

Tonight was the due date for the final draft of my Downs Fellowship grant proposal. It's in. It's done. There are still a couple other funding sources I'm planning to apply to, but this is a HUGE step. And it feels soooooooo good to be done.

I had my consultations with the committee members. They brought up some significant points of concerns, but they were all things I'd thought about before. I had a Skype meeting with a few people from Family Health International (the organization I'm partnered with in Vietnam), and a long meeting with a researcher who works on injection drug use/HIV here at Yale about my questionnaire that I'm using as my primary research tool, and made some significant changes.

Then, today, while filling in various citations, I freaked myself out a bit. The project I want to do is little in some ways... and insanely huge in others. There are several people who I think I should contact about this research to get their insight... but they're UN officials! Basically, the work I want to do is something that only a few people are interested in, and for a while I was feeling less nervous because it felt like something that I thought was important but generally it would be okay if it kinda sputtered out and didn't produce any statistically significantly results. But that's seemingly less and less true. It's great in some ways - this could open a lot of doors for me as a researcher - but also incredibly daunting.

But I feel really good about where it's going. I might be totally heart broken if I don't get this particular grant, but at least I'm looking into other sources of funding, too. I REALLY want to make this project happen, go back to Vietnam, get to know the Hmong in the Northern highlands, and start to make a name for myself as a researcher.

One incredibly wonderful and important step in this process was that I recently heard back from a Canadian researcher who's done work with the Hmong in the area, but focused on cultural and geographical questions. I had emailed her back in December but hadn't heard anything and had just written that off as a lost connection. I was hoping to get advice about cultural sensitivity and Hmong translation from her, but since I hadn't heard anything, I was starting to look into other potential means of getting that information.

And then, about a week ago, I woke up to an email from her. I'd been doubtful that the project was actually going to work out, and her email gave me renewed hope. It's amazing how timing works perfectly sometimes. She gave me a list of suggestions about how to find a translator, things to think about, offered to contact her friends (Hmong people that she has worked with in the past and who have acted as translators for her), and to send me a chapter she wrote for a yet-unpublished book about the Hmong culture in the area. If this work happens and I get to publish it, she's definitely getting at least an acknowledgement. I'll be forever indebted to her.

So now I have to adapt the proposal to fit the next grant source, and wait on information about the INTERVIEWS for the Downs Fellowship (oh yes, it's an intense process), and before spring break rolls around I'll have an answer. I'll try not to have a heart attack from anxiety in the meantime.

Wish me luck!

Jen

Revival

I'm bringing back my blog. The title will probably have to change, but it's still going to be about the same country!

If I haven't talked you about it yet, here's the quick update: I'm planning to go back to Vietnam! I'm working on putting together a research project in Sapa - one of the regions I visited during my last trip - for my summer internship that's coming up.

I've laid the groundwork. I've talked to a couple of professors, found a contact person in the area, and written a first version of my grant proposal. Things I still need to figure out include 1) the appropriate approvals from local authorities (as well as the Yale IRB folks), 2) translation services (there is no way I can learn H'mong in 4 months), and 3) where I'll stay. The third point is not one I'm concerned about at all. I know the area a little, and I can get a room at a hotel, if nothing else, for $10 a day. Gotta love Vietnam.

I got really interested in the area during my visit last summer. It's absolutely GORgeous and there's a lot of interesting culture from the local ethnic minorities. During that trip, you may recall, I spent 2 days/1 night on a hike out to a local village where I stayed the night in the house of our guide, a 29 year old H'mong woman, and her family. I was struck by their meager means. Dirt floors, one large room, animals wandering in and out, no running water, no toilet facilities. I made a logical assumption, especially after hearing about how her husband was having some trouble with illness and hearing him cough, that the healthcare situation probably wasn't very good in the area.

Shu and her daughter, my inspiration. (I have this image as my desktop background to serve as a constant reminder of my goal)

After that weekend trip, I started reading a book given to me by a former coworker, Mountains Beyond Mountains, which is a quintessential book for healthcare professionals, about Paul Farmer, who with the help of some friends, started Partners in Health. They started in Haiti and have since expanded to several locations around the globe, but with one essential goal: treat people who need treatment and won't get it otherwise. It's a very inspiring book that sadly took me months to finish (mostly because I started in August and haven't had time for it again until now), but it started giving me ideas while I was reading the first chapter.

So with ideas from that book buzzing around inside of my head and my heart back in Sapa, I started thinking about my summer internship requirement. I thought at first that I wanted to go to South America somewhere, but that quickly changed. During the first week of school I met a professor here named Robert Heimer, who has been working with a group in Hanoi on an evaluation of the efficacy of a risk-reduction program for injection drug users (IDUs) in the capital city. I thought I might join in on some aspect of that project, but it quickly became clear that a) that wasn't really what I was interested in and b) most of that work would be over before the summer. So I started designing my own research proposal.

I've kind of done this before, but on a much smaller scale. In college I took a psychology research class in which I designed and carried out a research proposal with another student, finding survey measures, going through IRB approval, and doing all of the analysis after... but I had so much more help, it was happening locally, and I had a partner to do the whole project with. MUCH simpler.

So now I'm trying to dig up everything I learned in that class and apply it to a very different project, and largely on my own. BUT IT'S HAPPENING. Every little milestone that I hit makes me do a happy dance. It's sometimes very discouraging. For example, this past week as I've been trying to prepare my first complete draft of my Downs proposal (one of the funding sources I'm trying to get), neither my Yale advisor nor my Vietnamese preceptor were available to field any questions. So I spent A LOT of time thinking about exactly which questions I should ask them when they are available, and I have a huge list.

But I think it will work out. I'm a little worried about the translation services aspect, but I've read enough papers about other work done by US students visiting Vietnam that I'm convinced it's possible. I just have to keep looking. And the real icing on the cake for all of this is that the exact project I want to do was suggested as a "future considerations" research point in a report published by the UNODC about that area and specifically about the H'mong population. So as long as I get all the details figured out, I think I'm set :)

I'm planning to use this blog over the course of the semester to document the challenges of designing my own research project, and after I get there, to write about the very different cultural experience I expect to have there and how the research process itself goes along. Next up... "Consultations with Downs Committee members"... stay tuned!

Tam biet!

Heading Home

Wowza, I'm behind. This is what happens when I don't have my own computer to use. These entries take too long to write - I feel guilty monopolizing the use of my friends' computers. I'm currently in the Saigon airport waiting for flight number 1 to Singapore. Because of how I changed my flights I have to go outside of security and pick up my luggage in Singapore, probably pay a lot for a few hours of sleep in an airport hotel (especially compared to the Vietnamese prices I'm used to), and then wake up early to check in again. Oi troi oi, toi se chet.

Anyway, travelling has been amazing the last two weeks. Maybe when I get home, or maybe if I get bored on the upcoming cruise, I'll manage to fill in the missing bits from the last few weeks. A lot has happened and I've made reminder notes for myself so I can tell the whole story. All of the stories. I think I'll look into one of those publish-your-own-photo-book dealies, hopefully one that allows text, too, and pick my best photos and put it all neatly together. Scrapbooking meets the modern age sort of thing.

Speaking of photos... I have about a billion to post. Ok, that may be an exaggeration, but I do have literally thousands to sort through. My goal for the past week and a half was to fill my second memory card completely, and despite taking over 800 photos, I only made it about 80% of the way. Maybe I'll just have to extensively document the amazingness of the Singapore airport.

Checking out for now... time to remind myself of the last few days and make my final notes.

Tam biet, Viet Nam!

I am barrieredly by language. Uh huh, I am.

On Tuesday, July 12 I went back to work. During the strange lunch (described previously, when I was meant to learn how to cook), I was informed that the father of one of the guys at the office had died, and that "we" would be going to pray for him that afternoon. I was not sure that I would be included in that "we", and I assumed that if I was, everyone else would be as well. Turns out, I was included, but not everyone went along… So, about 30 minutes after lunch, with limited information about what was happening, I was ushered into a van with a few others from the office… and I believe only one of them spoke English, and relatively poorly.

We started driving away from the office and drove through the streets of Hanoi for a while, eventually picking up another person. (Maybe he was also associated with ISMS? I'm not entirely sure.) We also picked up bread, apparently to be a snack for the road, and a large funeral flower arrangement. We continued to drive, out of city limits, and I started to get really confused. No one explained to me where we were going or how long it would take, and everyone was speaking Vietnamese around me. Soon, the man in the front seat was coughing rather violently, and the girl next to me was getting carsick, and in my baffled state I sent a message to one of my friends here that read "I think I've been kidnapped by my coworkers on the pretense of honoring someone's dead father. The guy in the front seat is hacking up a lung, the girl next to me is puking, we've been driving for more than an hour and I have no idea where I am and everyone's speaking Vietnamese."

Eventually we arrived at the final destination, after winding through narrow alleyways in a township outside of Hanoi. We spilled out of the van, my coworkers set up the flower thing, and then we walked to where the funeral was being held. We walked into a courtyard where the family members of the deceased were wearing white headbands, and we were ushered to seats where we were served green tea. But we did not sit for long, after a few minutes, my English-speaking coworker told me to stand up, and with the rest of the people from work, we presented the flowers to the family altar, in front of everyone else present. After the flowers were placed, the older gentleman that we picked up later spoke some words in Viet and this was followed several times by ritual prayer movements that I awkwardly tried to follow along. It happened three or four times, then we stepped back and sat down again, where we were served more tea. However, we again only sat for a couple of minutes, and then we stood up and left. I'm still very confused about what happened, and it was incredibly uncomfortable and awkward. I have not felt more out of place during my time in Vietnam.

The rest of the week passed without incident, and I spent the weekend in the city again with my friends. We did very little because we are lazy and never manage to coordinate ourselves. We tried to go to the Ho Chi Minh mausoleum but we arrived too late, right as they were shutting the gate, which was actually okay with me, after I saw the line we would have to stand in. So, alas, I saw no dead bodies.

On Monday I had another adventure with a coworker, and again, I was told about it at lunch! This time, a coworker who spoke about 20 words of English decided she wanted to buy me a going away present. She did not know what to buy for me, however, so I went with her. We left the office at 3pm, and I thought we would make it a quick trip and then come back before normal leaving time, which is about 5:30. However, we started by going to a government building, where she was renewing some document for one of the directors at ISMS. After that, she took me around the old quarter for a while and kept pointing at various things that really would not work… such as a giant woven basket, a large vietnamese conical hat (neither of which I could reasonably fit in my bag) or a porcelain piggy bank that I managed to explain I was concerned would break (by using my dictionary… thanks again, Alex!).

Finally, somewhat frustrated, I think, she suggested we get a drink. So I finally got to drink coconut milk out of a coconut. We decided while having our drinks that we would go find a shirt for me, and I managed to teach her English! It's rare to find someone where I know Vietnamese for a word they don't know in English. So we went to a nearby department store and walked around it in circles before I finally accepted that I would have to get something with English writing on it, and after trying on a XXL (Vietnamese people are tiny!) I got a shirt that fit. But that wasn't enough! She wanted to find pants to go with it (but none were big enough) and then tried for another shirt, but we ran out of time before we found something else. Finally at about 6:30pm we returned to the office, where only my bike remained, and before I left she gave me the two additional coconuts she had picked up when we stopped for drinks. So I carted them around for two days before drinking half of one and giving away the other.

That night, I stayed at Ashley's with Ric and another of Ashley's friends, a girl named Marie from Quebec and we had a sleepover, complete with food, silliness, and terrible movies. I woke up the following morning to an amazing breakfast made by Ashley and the others… I would have been happy to help, but I was simply not conscious until the food was ready. I owe Ashley big time for all of the amazing food she provided at various times. Hopefully I have an opportunity to return the favor after we both return to North America.

On Wednesday evening, Ric and I departed from Hanoi for Hue! The bus ride was rather long and miserable, but we were some of the first people on the bus, so we managed to not only find storage for our bags (or I did at least), but also to get the best beds, which were longer than most. I felt a little guilty taking the long seats away from those taller than me, but my comfort was more important to me.

Today we arrived in Hue and wandered around, but I will describe that more in the next post, when I describe the rest of Hue as well!

I am so far behind on my posts. Quick summary now, details and pictures to follow.

-Sarah has been back in the US, leaving me the only American at my work. It's a different sort of place when you don't have someone you can speak to in English whenever you want to...

-Alice went back to England. She was the "mother hen" of the house, because she'd been there the longest (5 months!) so it was very sad to see her go.

-I went to Sapa with Polly, Tessa, Lydia, and Mike. We trekked through the mountainous area and had a genuine homestay at the house (hut/shack/room) of a minority woman and her family (Black H'mong). The "toilet" was the bamboo forest just past the house. I also bought lots of souvenirs because they're such damn pushy salespeople. Also the stuff is really cool.

-Polly and Lydia are taking off to travel the rest of Vietnam. I'm also sad to see them go. I need to get out of here before more of my favorite people leave me.

-Lunch time is always an adventure here. One day I ate while the cook and one other girl watched/napped/chatted in Vietnamese because everyone else was out in the field or had gone out to lunch without me. Another lunch involved everyone in the office sitting around captivated while a ghost story was told that caused at least three of the women in the office to scream at was was presumably the key line of the story. Today I was supposed to be learning how to cook, because again lots of people are out, but it was a very simple meal of just boiling tofu, pork, and vegetables. Not so difficult. Not much to really learn. And then eating the meal with the other 4 women who were here while they chatted in Vietnamese. Also there was another lunch where we went out for one of the directors' birthday.

-I'm picking up Vietnamese faster now, beginning to understand sentence structure and building on vocabulary. But I still can't listen to a conversation and understand any of it.

-I might cut my placement short by about a week and travel down to the south of Vietnam with Ric from the house. I have to figure out if I can afford it, though, and if it's okay to leave, etc. It would be an amazing journey, though.

Hopefully I can get around to posting pictures (to Facebook, most likely) and a full blog entry before the end of the week. Stay posted.

Tạm biệt!

Jen